koukla carolyn

Self Portrait with Lipstick; graphite, marker and colored pencil in 9×12 sketchbook; Carolyn Pappas, 2008

Self Portrat, circa 1987; Sepia PITT pen; Carolyn Pappas, 2008

Self portraits are one of the hardest things to draw for me, and I think for most people. It’s hard enough to draw a likeness and drawing yourself often brings up a lot of insecurities about appearance and expectations. I find it strange that this weekend I drew these two self portraits. In fact, I have drawn four in only two months or so. Perhaps it is because I am a free agent again and I want to establish myself as an individual. Another reason is that I am interested in improving my portrait skills and when you don’t have a model, you can always look in the mirror. I am not so sure the reason, but it is definitely a subject I will return to again.

Design Kneaded Rubber Eraser (my favorite art supply), marker in 5×7 sketchbook, Carolyn A Pappas, 2008

The note reads: “I was five years old when I got my first kneaded eraser. I remember sitting in the back seat of the car on the way to my first art lesson, squeezing and squishing it while it was still in its package. It’s been good luck for me ever since.”

I have always kept my kneaded eraser with me over the years. Nowadays I keep it in a ziplock bag so little bits of dust and lint don’t get stuck in it when I carry it in my purse. My first art teacher always told me that I was to draw with my right hand and play with the eraser with my left hand. I don’t know if anyone else out there does something similar but that has always been my habit. When I was recovering from my hand condition that left me largely unable to draw for a year, I tested myself by squeezing my eraser and imagining the day that I would be using as it was intended. In fact when I finally got back into drawing, I was so out of practice that I used it quite frequently!

The benefits of this type of eraser is that lasts for a long time. After dirtying part of the eraser, all you have to do is squish up a bit so as to reveal a clean surface. It is gentle with the tooth of the paper, allowing for repeated erasings in the same spot and there are not as many eraser bits as with other types of erasers. Also, you can mold the eraser into different shapes to allow you to erase in tight spaces. It can be used to lift out highlights from graphite or charcoal and it’s easy to get soft edges by going over the paper very lightly with the eraser. Some art instructors insist on not letting their students use erasers because it makes them want to erase every mark they put on the paper. That is probably a good practice at least once in awhile for training purposes but I do love my eraser and would keep it around even if I were only playing with it.

I’ve never participated in any of the SketchCrawls before even though I’ve wanted to since the first one back in 2004. I always either had something else going on or was depressed/stressed or just a procrastinator. Right now I’m in unfamiliar territory in terms of where I live and who I know so I thought doing it solo would be the best the first time around. Since the weather is bad today, I decided to go to the mall, which ended up working out just fine. My goal was to stay for four hours and I was successful in that regard, but I did not get as much drawing done as I would have liked. 

Dirty Cop and Naughty Nurse, graphite and PITT pen in 9×12 sketchbook, Carolyn Pappas, 2008

My first stop was to Starbucks to get a Pumpkin Spice Latte and the straight to Frederick’s of Hollywood. I have to say that I enjoy public sketching—I like the attention and the stares and the compliments from complete strangers. But the attention I got from doing this was a bit too much. This was the only time that someone has winked at me while I was drawing. I also had a variety of male onlookers, from around age 16 to age 60. I did want to color the whole thing but had to stop because it was just too creepy. It was fun to watch random people get embarrassed by just walking in front of the store though.

Hollister Mannequin, graphite in 9×12 sketchbook, Carolyn Pappas, 2008

After Frederick’s I sat in front of Hollister and drew this mannequin. I was attracted to the strong lightsource and the folds in the garments, but this was very difficult. First of all, the teenybopper clientele made me want to gag and they kept bumping into the mannequin, ruining the folds in the sweater. Also, the same clientele had a penchant for loitering in front of the subject, which was annoying. On a postive note, two teenage girls asked me if I was an artist and said they liked the drawing. Then an old lady and her middle aged daughter sat down next to me and looked on admiringly.

Starbucks Cup, graphite in 9×12 sketchbook, Carolyn Pappas, 2008

By the time I finished the second sketch, I was hungry and had to have something to eat. I was also tired out and feeling pretty cross in general. I drew my Starbucks cup in the food court and spent quite a bit of time on the logo, even though I still didn’t get it right. By that time I had a cramp in my arm and had to go home.

I have learned some lessons for my next sketchcrawl. First of all, I need to lighten my load. I brought way more supplies with me than I actually used. I think next time I’m just going to bring my pencils, eraser, sharpener and sketchbook. Also, if I have a chance to visit the location first I think it would be a good idea to scout out possible subjects beforehand. I wasted a lot of time wandering around from place to place wondering what I should draw next. I would also bring my own seating, like one of those little pop up stools. This would allow me to really get a good angle and enjoy the process more. Another thing I think I should focus more on is quantity rather than quality. I found myself too caught up in the details which just made me fatigued and sick of it too soon. All in all, I think this was great practice and really exhilarating. The biggest realization I made is that my skills at drawing the human figure are severly deficient. I must find a life drawing class and practice religiously!

Three Pears, Graphite in 9×12 sketchbook, Carolyn Pappas, 2008

Three Pears, Tombow Brush Pens in 9×12 sketchbook, Carolyn Pappas, 2008

I’m usually not the type to participate in online challenges, mostly because I procrastinate and never finish them on time. But I did decide to participate in the October Virtual Sketch Date. I did it first in graphite yesterday evening and then did the marker version tonight. They are different as you can see, and I was a lot more careful in the pencil version. I like the colored version for the looseness though. I don’t think I was particularly accurate to the reference image in either case however, as I didn’t spend the time necessary to really go after accuracy. I can’t wait to see what other people come up with. I already saw S G Chipman’s and was blown away, but then again, when does he not blow me away?

The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me;
your love, O LORD, endures forever—
do not abandon the works of your hands.
                           Psalm 138:8

I have done more painting and sketching this week than I have since July. I basically forced myself to draw after work this week, even though I would rather sit and watch tv. Another reason why I think I was more productive is that I have changed my schedule at work, now leaving an hour earlier. You see, I am a morning person and find it extremely difficult to draw at night. Now I am not quite so tired when I get home and it is a bit easier to get out the sketchbook.

I did read something on Nina Johansson’s blog which I liked. She is now doing weeklong spreads, so as to spread the sketching over multiple days. The whole idea is that even if you are really busy, you probably have time to add to a sketch little by little over the week. And at the end of the week, you still have something to show for yourself. I think I will try this out as well and will start tomorrow.

She stood back to look at what she’d done. From this angle, at this remove, it pleased her, but Maxine knew all too well that the eye of the beholder was a fickle thing when the beholder was also the maker. Five minutes from now, from another angle, it would look like shit.

                             -From The Great Man by Kate Christensen, p 117

Silk Flower sketch, graphite in kraft paper sketchbook, Carolyn Pappas, 2008

These days, just doing a simple pencil sketch on Sunday afternoon is getting to be a struggle. My productivity hasn’t been so low since I decided to take art seriously again three years ago. I guess part of it is because there haven’t been this many demands on my time since I graduated from college. I guess I hadn’t realized how chores really eat up my time, or how easy it is to use housework as an excuse not to make art.

Hibiscus, watercolor and colored pencil on 5×7 Strathmore watercolor greeting card, Carolyn Pappas, 2008

These days the market has been on my mind more than any other topic. I keep track of it while at work during the day and the obsession seems to have followed me home for the past two weeks as well. I normally try to do some sketching after work, but these past two weeks I have been glued to the tv listening to all the updates on the bailout negoitiations and worrying myself sick.

Yesterday, I decided that enough is enough. I sat down and finished this painting that I had been wanting to finish for a long time. I had the flower sketched out and the blank greeting card taped down to my board but I had not gotten around to acually painting it for a long time now. I experimented by using masking fluid to retain the whites in the spots for the pollen. It was frustrating because I found I did not have a lot of control over my application. And the stuff dried so fast! I ended up going over the whole thing with colored pencils after I painted it in watercolor and I really love the bold color that I ended up with, especially in the background. I found that the few hours of distraction was beneficial to my mood and my outlook.

When all these people on the news are scaring us with images of the Great Depression, the one passage of Scripture that comes instantly to mind is this one from Matthew 6:25-33:

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

 ”And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Macintosh Apples, colored pencil in 9×12 sketchbook, Carolyn Pappas 2008

I made this sketch of some apples this afternoon and I’m honestly surprised that I even did this as I’ve been sick all weekend. On Friday I had an awful sore throat and by the time I got out of work, I had talked so much during the day that my whole neck felt like it was on fire. On Saturday and this morning I moped around my parent’s house and didn’t do much of anything except sleep and play with the puppies. Today my nose is like a faucet and I feel generally achy all over.

I did do two things which made my weekend a tiny bit productive and not a total waste. One, I made this sketch. I tried to keep it simple by only using four pencils more like drawing pencils. I am pleased that at least I did something artistic and I wanted to do something to commemorate the first day of my favorite season starting tomorrow.  I also hemmed a new pair of pants that I’ve been waiting to wear for a few weeks but didn’t get around to hemming until now.  It was so hard to be bent over my sewing while having a drippy nose, but I have something new to wear tomorrow.

Shell Interior, Derwent watercolor pencils (water added), Carolyn Pappas 2008

Shell Interior, Derwent watercolor pencils (dry pencils), Carolyn Pappas 2008

I was looking through my sketchbooks this afternoon and saw that a lot of my drawings for the past few weeks/months have been very dull and colorless. Even though I am not really in the mood for doing really bright and colorful pieces, I thought that I should make the effort to do something in color. Years ago I bought a set of 12 Derwent watercolor colored pencils, but have only used them a handful of times. I didn’t really like that I wasn’t able to get a really sharp tip on the pencils when I sharpened them. Today I decided that I might as well give it another shot.

I made this sketch of a seashell that has been sawn in half so as to expose the inside. First I sketched the whole thing with the pencils and I had the foresight to scan it first in case I really screwed it up somehow by adding water. I was a little nervous about adding water because I was just working in my regular sketchbook and even though it says it is fine for light washes, I was worried about too much buckling and/or water soaking though the page. I put a paper towel underneath the page to absorb any excess water and I wasn’t too heavy handed with the water. It ended up turning out just fine and it also dried very fast as well. I am glad I had the courage to add the water because I think I like that version better.

We are like actors in a play. The divine will has assigned us our roles in life without consulting us….Although we can’t control which roles are assigned to us, it must be our business to act our given role as best as we possibly can and to refrain from complaining about it. Wherever you find yourself and in whatever circumstances, give an impeccable performance. If your are supposed to be a reader, read; if you are supposed to be a writer, write. -Epictetus

Self Portrait, 9×12 sketchbook, Carolyn Pappas 2008

Flattering, no; honest, yes. This does look like an odd pose, mainly because I was crunched up on the floor drawing myself in front of a full length mirror. Even though I have a sort of weird look on my face, I have to say that this is one of my better self portraits in terms of likeness and the speed at which I got it done.

I haven’t been in the mood lately to use big, bold colors. Plain pencil is what I am drawn to using these days. I drew this sketch with a B pencil mainly for the skin and using softer pencils later on. I used to work in graphite by smudging the piece to death with paper stumps and tortillions. Nowadays I am finding that shading by hatching is much more my style. I think I have grown comfortable with using lines after working in pen and ink for so long.